I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
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and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
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