Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
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