note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
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I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
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You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
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