I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
Randomize
