wakey wakey hands off snakey
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
Randomize
