Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
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You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
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