my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
Randomize
