Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
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