The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
