just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
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