it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
I think pants incapable of making pants work
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
Randomize
