Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
Randomize
