I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
is that a dick in a sweater?
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
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