No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
Randomize
