this is amy. the small petlike person from the womens bathroom at the reef.
I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
I touched a dick in church today
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
Randomize
