Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
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