K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
Randomize
