Banned from zoo.
Again?
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
My feet surprised me
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
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