i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
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