Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
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