I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
How does one acquire holy water?
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
Randomize
