Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
Randomize
