The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
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I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
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Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
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