fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
Randomize
