youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
Picture Ja Rule and 50 Cent having a sexy full grown love child son...He's on my bus right now, wearing an outside jacket with no shirt underneath. My fashion sense and libido are fighting it out.I'll keep you posted on who wins.
I need to stop coming to work sober
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
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