Letd wlk him
Lrtd walek hime
Lets wlk home,,,ther we go
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
I just want to make out with him forever
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Randomize
