I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
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