thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
You left your underwear on the fireplace
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
Randomize
