one word: firstdatebathroomanal
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
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