Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
He shit in the fireplace
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
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