I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
Just invented taco cereal.
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
