i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
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