Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
Randomize
