i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
they're like a gay fantastic four
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
Randomize
