Ambien. No doubt about it.
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
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