Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
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