you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
Randomize
