My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Randomize
