uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
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