come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
I showed him my bush... on skype.
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
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