I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
Randomize
