And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
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What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
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you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
I think i got beer on your cat.
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