his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
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