if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
Randomize
