I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
Randomize
