I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
Randomize
