You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
Randomize
