you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
Randomize
