i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Randomize
