I dont need to watch it. And stop comparing your life to Entourage.
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
Randomize
