please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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