I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
Randomize
