I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
Randomize
