Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
Randomize
