Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
Randomize
