Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
She announced her abortion via fbk
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
Woman Using Lunch Break To Find Another Job Gets Hilariously Snitched On By The Local News
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
28 ‘Thanks For Coming To My Ted Talk Tweets’ Funnier And More Informative Than An Actual Ted Talk
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar