that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
Randomize
