you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
My boob is missing a layer of skin
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
Randomize
