I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize
