How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
Randomize
