Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
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