party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
People in love make me want to vomit
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize