I wish I could punch you in the face.
i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
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