when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize
