remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
40s are totally the cure
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
Randomize