also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Randomize
