If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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