Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
Randomize
